Grasping Reality

Moving into adolescence my imaginary friends became a distant memory. The only reminder was if someone in the family would tease me about my spiritual crew. At this stage of my life I longed for friends who weren’t related to me. The problem was emotionally I felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole when I had to interact with anyone outside of my family. I was overwhelmingly shy and just the thought of rejection caused anxiety and panic attacks. I was generally an internal emotional mess, feeling awkward and out of place both mentally and physically. Most days I would have preferred to fade into the walls and become invisible

During this time I also activated my mental disappearing act. I would tune out from everything around me. In some cases I would lose large intervals of time. Was I daydreaming or was I starting the stages of astral traveling? I would learn later than that some of my missing time was due in part to astral traveling. I also learned that the things I thought were déjà vu were actually astral projection and I had already lived out that particular scenario.

In the beginning, daydreaming and astral traveling caused fear and frustration because I didn’t understand why or how it was happening. I did however notice that in some cases it seemed to be a form of protection when my mind didn’t want to deal with a situation emotionally or physically. Over time and with research, I've learned to understand and embrace each new experience that exclusively belonged to me.                                                            

  'Eyes are useless when the mind is blind'--Unknown

The Road Towards Spirit

I've always considered myself an average person aspiring to live a comfortable life. Crazy things have always happened around me, even as a young child. I would think some experiences were a coincidence and others left me terrified. Most of the peculiar things that happened I'd keep to myself for fear that people would think I was crazy. Who would believe any of this? I had a hard time rationalizing it and questioned my own sanity most of the time.

Nights were the times that filled me with the most terror and dread because of the 'spiritual shenanigans' that seem to unfold around me. I would pick up flashes of colors or shadows moving from the corners of my eyes. I'd also see apparitions that would drag me up the wall while I felt paralyzed and helpless. There were also episodes where I seemed to be levitating above the bed.

No matter which incident occurred it would keep me from falling asleep because of the tremendous amount of fear and anxiety I felt. The even stranger thing was that these events would occur whether I was with someone or by myself in the bed. I would pray to God all night for safety and daylight. Daydreaming was a major issue for me. I'd just check out mentally it would occur day or night. That was linked with periods of time that I couldn't remember what happened nor have I ever been able to account for those lost periods of time in my life.

I also have unexplained issues being in large crowds. I often felt lightheaded and my mood changed drastically according to who I was standing around me. My brain would go into information overload with details about a stranger's life - just by standing near them. People always seemed drawn to me and would share all of their problems and secrets. There didn't seem to be any way to control any of these issues. The combination of all of these incidents made me feel insecure isolate and out of place. 

My family was no help in understanding what was happening to me, although there was never a shortage of family stories about ghost and spirits. But even with the true to life scary stories, not one person in the family shared their personal experiences with spirits. So I thought I was the only one with these unusual super natural experiences. The only relief I had was that everything came in cycles and it would be years between incidents. Little did I know that all my experiences would be contributing factors in my spiritual growth and expansion. I also realized that recognizing gifted children at a young age will lend itself to acceptance and development of their gifts. 

My Radical Faith

My Radical Faith blog posts are small snippets of my thoughts, spiritual journey, and development through my experiences and trance writings. My hope is that something will encourage someone to initiate their search to connect with their path, higher self and higher power. It took 58 years of my life to genuinely understand the difference between spirituality and religion.

I embarked on a transition that has given me an enhanced perspective of my connection to everyone and everything in the universe. With my transformation I no longer believe that my gifts are evil and not of God.

They are gifts from the Creator, no different from a talented singer, artist or writer. I feel blessed to be an empath, light worker, healer and psychic, and live authentically. It has opened my consciousness and allowed me to speak and live in my truth. I will no longer allow my vision to be blurred by conventional societal concepts that define my spiritual beliefs, gifts, path and journey.

Self-acceptance has removed so many of my fears, anxiety, frustrations and the emotional imbalance I felt throughout my life. I have learned the importance of self-love, self-worth and self-care in expanding my spiritual development. My spiritual clarity has also opened up my understanding of the reasons my family has a high rate of religious extremes and mental illness. I whole heartily embrace who I am and I can finally live comfortably in my own skin.

Peace of mind is one of the most beautiful solaces in life.